It's okay to be YOU!

One of the most powerful things I have heard is a quote attributed to Ocean Vuong, a Vietnamese-born American poet and novelist:

“Having a meaningful life isn’t about proving to others. It’s about finding the power and value in where you are.”

Those words came to me last year when I was in the middle of this rebranding, and they never really left.

At some point in many of our childhoods, a belief was created that sounded something like this:

In order for me to be loved, accepted or seen, I have to make myself worthy.

Which is complete, bullsh*t.

Each one of us brings a unique story into this world. There are parts of us that are funny, weird, sensitive, passionate, loud, protective, quiet, creative, emotional, complicated…and completely our own.

Yet, somewhere along the way, those authentic part of us aren’t always the ones that get praised.

Instead, we hear how dependable we are.

How great we are taking care of everyone else.

How strong we are all of the time.

How much we are able to carry.

And slowly, we begin absorbing these traits as our identity because they are the parts of us that receive validation.

As children, some of our needs are to be seen, validated and accepted.

So, when caregivers, parents, siblings, teachers or the people we value most don’t or can’t - accept us simply for who we are, but they do validate us for what we provide, accomplish, or carry, we begin creating a false narrative.:

I am worthy because of what I do for other people.

Think about how often you catch yourself saying things like….

‘I don’t deserve a partner like you.’

‘I probably won’t get that raise, Jessica is way more talented.’

‘I could never do as much as you do.’

But why the hell can’t it be you?!

And then when it is you…when you get promoted, find an incredible partner, land the job, buy yourself the diamond earrings, receive a compliment or finally fit into those damn jeans again, we immediately find a reason to dismiss it.

They’re just being nice.

I got lucky.

It wasn’t that big of a deal.

Anyone could have done it.

Because so many of us have spent our lives trying to prove something.

We show up so people can see how helpful we are.

We become the good one that no one has to worry about.

We become the peacekeeper.

The strong one.

The person who can carry everything.

But, what about you?!

What is it that you want?

What do you believe about yourself when no one else is there to validate it?!

And if you don’t know the answers to those questions, maybe that’s worth paying attention to.

Because you have spent so much of your life becoming who you thought everyone else needed you to be, that you never had the opportunity to figure out who you actually are.

You’ve spent so much time trying to find the meaning of life…

you forgot to live your own.

And when we continually give away the power of our own lives, our wants, needs, preferences, boundaries, dreams - we eventually forget someone incredibly important….

OURSELVES!

Being you is vulnerable. I get it.

There is a chance you’re going to get rejected. Someone may criticize you. Someone might misunderstand you. Someone might not choose you.

But there will also be people who see you, validate you, celebrate you, and love the version of you that isn’t performing.

You aren’t going to be perfect - and you don’t have to be. You just need to be YOU.

A meaningful life isn’t meaningful because everyone else approves of it.

It’s meaningful because when you wake up each day, you’re actually living a life that belongs to you.

You are investing in yourself.

You are listening to yourself.

You' are including yourself.

And yes, you can still be strong. You can still be dependable. You can still be reliable. You can still take care of the people you love.

Those just don’t have to be all that you are.

Those are roles that you can step into. They don’t have to become your entire identity.

So this week, I challenge you to do something simple.

Pick yourself once each day.

Choose what you want.

Say something you actually think.

Rest when you need rest.

Wear the thing you like.

Say no without a three-paragraph explanation.

And see what happens when you stop trying to hard to prove your life has value…

and start recognizing the value that is already here.

Maybe a meaningful life isn’t something you have to earn at all.

Maybe it starts when you finally allow yourself to live your own.